sounds like an adventure

As many questions as I ask, you might as well ask some too.   this blog started as a way for me to document my one year adventure abroad that lasted from April 1st, 2012 to April 4th, 2013. New York to Istanbul, Turkey to Greece, Greece to Italy, Italy to Spain, Spain back to Turkey, Turkey until the end. it was an amazing endeavor that i am incredibly grateful for. what then became of this blog was my adjustment in returning to the US. 6 months later it turns out my heart led me back across the Atlantic. now, for life in Istanbul: round two.

"MOur lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
Martin Luther King
— hace 6 horas
#martin luther king  #quotes  #relevant  #food for thought 
"merhamet"
compassion
— hace 1 día
#türkçe  #words 
What my body is not here for (or won’t even pretend tolerate)

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been saying that I haven’t cooked for myself since Kim came to visit. I had been telling people/thinking to myself that I hadn’t cooked for myself in a month. And it’s April now. Don’t you know that month turned into damn near two months?

And with not cooking for myself came more imbibing of Coca Cola. And incidentally I began a practice of drinking Turkish coffee with two of my students in every lesson. And I’m also pretty sure I ate chocolate every day for last three weeks straight. And I eat durum maybe five times last week. I have been eating fruit though. But I never drink enough water.

And oh! The smoking and drinking I’ve done. Nothing noteworthy if pitted against many people my age, I’d imagine. But my body says, “What does that have to do with us?”

And so, here I am mentioning all the things Google searches told me cause heart palpitations because, you know, I’ve been having them.

I’m also guilty of very little physical activity aside from brisk walks to the metro, ferry, metrobus and bus or the occasional long walk (at least in Istanbul that usually involves going up a hill).

AND THE ANXIETY, so much stress and anxiety has been surging through me. I could say months, but let’s be real, years, my whole life. There has been change in housing, friendships, romantic relationships and entanglements, professional (some bleeding over to personal) relationships, country and city hopping, monetary and physical security… Just. There never seems to be a moment’s rest. For the most part I handle it, but I’m just one person and I definitely forget to breathe.

I forget to breathe and it wears on (my lungs sure but also) my heart.

So, in this Spring revival and renewal of sorts I have to re-evaluate and adjust.

I started yesterday with only eating things I made for myself, comfort things I feel comfortable making. I can learn to experiment with food and eat healthier, again. Sometimes I really take for granted how much I love leafy greens and fruit and other things that are good for you. And I haven’t been giving them to myself. I want to change that for my heart, body and mind.

I can go from 0 to wanting to punch someone in the face or break something in like 20 seconds when I feel anxious. And usually a couple minutes later I find a solution and realize what I really needed was patience. I think patience counts for the big stuff too.

I’ve also been thinking recently about doing things that I’ve been wanting to do for a really long time but haven’t gotten around to. Usually I follow through even if it takes a couple years, like hey I’m living abroad and I cut my hair and I have a blog. But this month is about finally building up a yoga practice. It’s one of those things I love to do when I do it but somehow never give to myself regularly. And I have to surrender to the fact that I won’t be able to move how I used to like two years ago because I haven’t been as active. But again, here enters patience with loving kindness and grace.

I say all this to say I don’t want to fall out in the street, or not be able to get out of bed because I introduced an unholy (for me) stream of caffeine, alcohol, lazy eating, cigarettes, anxiety, stress and inactivity into my system. In that same vein I don’t want to palpitate over ill-treated heartbreak. And so begins an effort to carry more aware of do with and let into my body. One day at a time, of course.

— hace 1 día con 1 nota
"I hope this begins your new favorite year."
Bjorn
— hace 1 día
#bad ass birthday wishes  #my birthday 
"May God continue to bless you. And may your dreams free you through your journey."
A birthday wish from one of my mom’s friends aka one of my favorite birthday greetings ever!
— hace 1 día
#my birthday  #25  #dreams  #free  #journey 
This says, “To enter this construction site is dangerous and forbidden.” but doesn’t it also look like the man is telling you, “Talk to the hand!”

This says, “To enter this construction site is dangerous and forbidden.” but doesn’t it also look like the man is telling you, “Talk to the hand!”

— hace 2 días con 7 notas
#my photos 

In the first picture I was trying to creep up and take a photo of Kim, Batuhan and Caner but I knew they would see me if I got close enough so if you see three people sitting together on the right that’s them, looking cool and sweet on a Spring day.

The second picture was taken by Caner with a self-timer. I’m a little off to the side because my heart hadn’t adjusted to being around my friends yet. About an hour minutes before this picture was taken I was crying my eyes out in a restaurant bathroom. Thank good God Almighty I’m out of those particular woods. In any case, overall this was a good day. And a picture will grant you perspective and memory.

— hace 2 días con 5 notas
#my photos  #photos taken by caner  #istanbul  #kim's visit 
I saw this guy and girl meet each other while their dogs’ leashes were getting caught up in each other’s. It was like something out of a Rom Com. 

Halitağa Caddesi 
Yeldeğirmeni | Kadıköy | İstanbul 
April 2014

I saw this guy and girl meet each other while their dogs’ leashes were getting caught up in each other’s. It was like something out of a Rom Com.

Halitağa Caddesi
Yeldeğirmeni | Kadıköy | İstanbul
April 2014

— hace 4 días con 3 notas
#my photos 
The door knocker looks like the head of a South Park character, maybe Stan or Kyle.

The door knocker looks like the head of a South Park character, maybe Stan or Kyle.

— hace 4 días
#my photos 

"It ain’t my house, but ain’t it pretty?" photos #636394763 & 636394764
Kadıköy/Moda | İstanbul
April 2014

— hace 4 días con 2 notas
#my photos