I had to say goodbye to two of my friends today. In a funny twist of fate they both ended up with flights leaving Istanbul on the same day. I am a little distraught. If one can be that. I feel an amount of loneliness I haven’t felt in a long time, due to their departure and a break-up earlier this week. So Kim’s visit reminded me of myself, my “home” in the US or rather what home has been in the past and Adrian goes and takes with him the closest friendship I have here in my new, current and constantly shifting home. And it feels like many things but what I am willing to share publicly is that maybe I’ll be losing a chance at being understood, heard or cared for. Through several dinners, walks and bar hops the two of them joked about my unique tendencies, speaking with punctuation and an uncompromising loyalty to my true self, and maybe I feel like there’s nobody on this continent anymore who knows me deeply. Or rather, earlier this week, if I needed someone there were three and now there are zero. It is not the complete truth but an emotional truth. It is loss.
But on another note, Kim’s visit was wonderful. She had some adventure on her own in the city and we thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated each other’s company. She got to meet a good amount of my friends and other characters in my life. And I got to share much of what I love in Istanbul. And most importantly I got to fulfill that dream again of welcoming someone I love into my home.
More of this will surely be fleshed out in a paper journal entry but I will say God, the Universe, somebody upstairs was looking out for me this week. Somehow all of my students canceled/postponed their lessons and I got to have a week full of Adrian and Kim before they left today. Even in this new wave of loneliness, for that I can be grateful. I had a great week with my friends.